Day 81 … They won’t give in.

Two normally alcohol fueled events fast approaching: large outdoor party being planned for Saturday, lots of my partners family and friends will be there & a week long trip to Ibiza in October.

It was like a planned attack, coming at me from different angles. You’re going to be drinking at the party surely? Just have a few, limit yourself. Just don’t get too drunk. Everyone will be pissed, it’ll be fine. Don’t start drinking until the evening. How can you go for a week in Ibiza and not drink? Don’t be boring. You’re not an alcoholic. You like drinking too much to just stop. Go on, have a beer tonight, there’s lager and cider. Just have one, just enjoy the taste.

It was fucking relentless!

At one point I even felt sorry for my partner as her family are blaming her for my sobriety. Just let him drink. Why can’t he drink? You’re being selfish….

I had to jump to her defence as she’s never actually told me not to drink. Sure, we’ve had years and years of arguments caused by my drinking, I’ve ruined countless social events through my selfishness with alcohol. I’ve left her to look after the kids when I’ve selfishly drank myself into oblivion. It’s been a bone of contention in our relationship since the beginning. But she’s never ever made me choose between her and alcohol.

So, yet again I explain that it’s my choice to stop drinking, it’s up to me to improve my life and the life of my family.

It seemed to be sinking in now; it’s true, it’s ME that wants to stop drinking, I don’t ever want to touch alcohol again, I want to be happy without alcohol…….or so I thought. OK then, so you don’t have to explain yourself at the party we’ll make cocktails and we won’t put alcohol in yours. That way, no-one will know that your not drinking and you won’t be embarrassed. Fucking embarrassed? I’m proud of the fact I won’t be drinking. I won’t be embarrassed. I won’t be a drunken, slobbering, unsteady, argumentative streak of piss, thinking I’m funny when I’m clearly not, acting sober when I’m a rubber mess, forcing food down my throat like I’ve never been fed. Waking up on Sunday morning to who, what, where, when and why.

It’s ok, don’t try to do me any favours, I’ll be drinking sparkling water, enjoying the company while people are sober, making memories with my children, memories that I’ll won’t forget any more.

I don’t really miss alcohol this week. It’s almost normal now, quiet evenings with water are the norm. I’ve ran a few times too, this is a great way to release the tensions of the day. I’m feeling ok, ready for the next test. I’m enjoying the moment.

😍😘❤

 

Advertisements

17 thoughts on “Day 81 … They won’t give in.

  1. Yay, you! What an amazing transformation from FOMO to not wanting to be one of the drunken loud “funny” people. I went to Europe for a MONTH and did not drink. I had a great time, and I remember all of it. I’ve never been to Ibiza, but would love to see it. I’m betting you have the time of your life. 💕

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’ll be my first holiday that doesn’t involve alcohol and I can’t wait. It won’t be a test, it will be a holiday full of memories. I’m still concerned about the party on Saturday, not because of alcohol, just being surrounded by people that think my sobriety is a big joke.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m amazed at your resolve. I love it! People feel threatened when you change, don’t they? I faced a lot of that early on, but now I don’t really see much of those people anymore, or I limit our time together. It’s mostly because I don’t want to go “out” other than to dinner. I get sooo bored and it’s way too loud. A few years ago, there would be nothing in the world I would like more. What a 180 degree change!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’d love to stay away from most of these people but that’s not possible so not only am I learning about sobriety, I’m also learning to keep some thoughts to myself! Eventually this will be normal for them as well as me.

        Like

  2. I’m so happy to read how positive you are.

    I’m a bit late here as I only just found it, which is annoying. I’m sure that I’m not being notified about some of the blogs I WANT to prioritise.

    Anyway, very heartened to read this, but AS frustrated to read about the continued shit you’re having to endure. Coincidentally, I’m going to Ibiza too, but in September – almost 30 years to the day when I was last there.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have to keep telling myself that after so many years of drinking almost every single day that I’m going to be faced by constant scepticism.
      I’ve never been to Ibiza before so I’m looking forward to it. Hopefully it’ll be quality family time! x

      Like

      1. Isn’t that just so exciting to think that you’re going to have quality family time?! Reading your ‘party’ blog I was so happy about your interaction with your kids. Even if they’re young and maybe can’t verbalise how your drinking made them feel, I’m sure they’ll love talking to you NOW that you’re sober. It’s so important. I’m smiling all over my face because I’m that happy for you. X

        Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s