I think yesterday goes down as the worst day of my life. We said goodbye.
I am completely heartbroken, devastated, a broken man. A little piece of my heart has died.
We only had a few months but it has to have been the best months of my life. I felt alive! I felt real love. I felt loved and cared for, I felt her worry and concern. We laughed together all the time, stupid knowing smiles and secret looks. And such intense passion!
Without her strength I’d never have been able to stop drinking. She made it easier, gave me purpose. I never even thanked her.
She made me promise to find happiness but how can I do that? How can I find true happiness now? How the fuck do I do that when true happiness just left me?
I’m worried about being in places that we spent time together. I can’t face these places yet, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to revisit these places. I’m worried that I wont be able to hide this sadness. I look terrible, so disheartened.
I found my best friend and soul mate in one amazing woman, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. I felt humbled, privileged, honoured and so lucky all at the same time. I learned so much from her too.
But now there’s just an emptiness, a sick feeling, like a balled fist in the pit of my stomach. And my heart feels so heavy.
Standing holding each other, saying goodbye, staring into her eyes, watching her tears….this image will be with me for the rest of my life.
Watching her walk away I wanted to run after her, tell her we’re making a huge mistake, neither of us will find this love again. But I couldn’t, her plans are made, set in stone, her future is elsewhere and not with me.
I need to focus on the positives, the fantastic memories, the moments that we had together, we can stay in touch, emails, phone calls. But it won’t ever be the same…
Because she’s gone.