I've got a head full of broken glass, a million things I want to write about, a day to be remembered forever... I have no idea where to start as I know it'll all just splurgh onto the page, making no sense to anyone, anyone except me.....and her. Four hours in hospital this morning, I… Continue reading Day 41, day of days.
Fathers Day. Lying in bed this morning thinking about my Dad, he's alive and well, 300 miles north, at home in Scotland. He's always been there for me, albeit in the background, not judging, not questioning my desicions, not telling me right from wrong...just 'there' ... ready to pick up the pieces or sweep the… Continue reading Day 37, sometimes no advice is the best advice.
Is this it? Work all day, do nothing in the evening? She's asleep, the kids are asleep... I'm bored. It's been hard to take my mind off alcohol tonight, sitting around looking for something to occupy myself. I can't read a book because she says I'm being rude and ignoring her!? Yet, she's got her… Continue reading Day 34, monotony & drudgery 1, alcohol 0.
Sunday was interesting, I got an apology for her behaviour! This is significant as its probably only the 3rd time she's apologised for anything in over twelve years together. I stuck to my guns. If you want to leave then you can, I'll help you move. Or you can stay here, I'll continue to pay… Continue reading Day 31, saying ‘I have a problem with alcohol’ out loud.
Another day without alcohol, a lazy day with the kids although I didn't see much of them as Netflix, PlayStations and Xbox's are far more interesting than me. So I spent the day emailing my absent friend, 82 emails back and forth so there was quite a lot of scenarios discussed and secrets shared! LM… Continue reading Day 29, Success, but only on one front…enlightenment gives me more strength.
Having now successfully managed a number of days without alcohol I felt ready to face the journey home sober. This was another big step for me, especially after being so drunk on the outwards journey, as I'd always used the journey home as a final holiday blow-out, an excuse to get drunk...the last time before… Continue reading Day 27, the return….
What if? A very close friend and I discussed feelings lately. She said her mind was full of thoughts with the question...what if? I always think this way, testing different scenarios in my head, pre-planning my whole life, or what's left of it, dreaming of perfection and happiness. I watch YouTube videos of guitarists, pretending… Continue reading Can you imagine?